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To get right to the point, this film fucking sucks. It sucks a lot of un-bathed victorian ass. The only thing this movie has to show for itself is a good costume designer. Seriously. That's it. I'm telling you right now, hoping you haven't already endured the pain that is uncontrollably invoked in all good humans while viewing this film, don't watch this movie.

Reese Witherspoon should have known better. I think her sense of quality must have been fogged over by the thought of Oscar possibilities, when she accepted the roll of a "bold, class climbing, strong woman," from a time when women weren't much more than baby factories. But, I do believe she failed to realize two things: 1) She can't act well enough to play the character. 2) The character is not the description above, but, instead, a boring, gold-digging whore, with no strength, or anything of worth about her.

In Reese's defense, the movie may have been even worse if the lead was played by someone who is not as hot as Reese. But, I must also mention here that she doesn't even get slightly naked, when fully naked was kind of required. Who has sex with ALL of their clothes on?! Ahhhh! I'm so sick of this movie/television bullshit where people have sex (with plenty of time) with only a bra on, or something equally pointless. If they're not going to show their tits, then why have them facing the camera? This sex scene takes it a step further and leaves her elephant dress on. But! Oh, wait! It was unzipped. Now I believe they really had sex!

Ugh. Moving on...

The movie is crap. Crap, crap, crap. It's too long, it's boring, you won't care if everyone dies and will kind of be hoping they do, its timeline is choppy, the acting is bad, the passion is non-existent, the rebel looks like he was attacked by the Queer Eye guys and a bottle of hair gel, and I would have walked out if my friend wasn't required to watch it (don't ask).

Vanity Fair = Bad. Not watching Vanity Fair = Good.

Vanity Fair

Rating:

Starring:
Reese Witherspoon

Buy The Soundtrack

Try The Book?